Seriously now, I've probably never experienced such physical pain as I did yesterday, when I had a whole toenail pulled off. The nail was so sick and infected already that the anesthesia didn't work.
I'd love to tell you the whole story later, but right now I don't have enough time. But I'll show you this sketch I made just minutes ago:
Later:
So, here comes the story of my bloody toe. Don't read it if you can't stand mental images of blood, pain or other disgusting things. It's not so pretty.
I've had problems with the nail of my right hallux for over an year now. All kinds of nasty things you can imagine: cracking, darkening, softening, stink... Horrible. I've tried everything I could imagine. Cutting, medication, ointments and stuff, but nothing worked, so I just waited to see if it would just heal itself over time. But few days ago the whole nail got brown and cracked badly and I thought that it was quite clear that it was never going to heal again. So I went to a doctor and asked if it should be removed. She told me that it was the only way to get a healthy nail and I decided to let them do it. But I didn't know that it was going to hurt so much- if I would have known, I maybe wouldn't have done it. I'm quite sensitive to pain and afraid of doctors hurting me, because of my bad doctor memories from the childhood. This just made things worse, of course. Even though I know it's irrational and not true, (at least in most cases) I feel like the doctors are sadistic and always just want to hurt me as much as they can. : P
Well, as I said before the removal did hurt. Like hell, I tell you. The main reason was that the anesthesia didn't work well (they used 4 syringes but it just made the skin numb) because the toe was inflamed and the nail was so sick already. It wasn't so bad at first but when they started to pull the nail off harder and it started to hurt real bad I asked them if they could use more anesthetic. They just said that it wouldn't help and that they didn't have time, and that they just wanted to get the whole thing out of the way. (What a nice thing to hear, when you're scared and in pain, really.) So they continued and I was in a bit of a panic but remained quite calm anyway. Actually I'd say I took it well. As I said, I'm usually sensitive to pain and for that some people think I'm wimpy but I just kept thinking that it's nothing I couldn't stand, that it won't last forever and things like that. Sure I was shaking and stuff but I stayed still and quiet. : D (Or quiet most of the time, at least) The other reason that made the removal hurt more and last longer was that the nail was so soft and in such a bad shape that it didn't come off in one piece. It shattered to many several pieces and they had to remove them one by one.
And now I have a huge bandage around the toe and I'm not allowed to walk for at least three days, because walking makes it bleed more. It'll take about half an year of more until the new nail is grown. At the moment I'm mostly pissed by the bleeding and pain that I get whenever I move the darn foot. (And of course the fact that I can't do anything or go anywhere.. I can't go to school, though I have a million urgent things and projects waiting there.) Tomorrow morning is the first time I need to clean the wound and change the bandages.. I already fear the time when I'll see the wound. I haven't seen it yet but I'm sure it's not pretty. I don't want to see a giant hole where my nail should be : <
Well, that's the whole story for you. Wasn't it wonderful. I know I'm maybe taking it too seriously but for me it feels just horrible.. And that makes me think that I'm being ridiculous. It's only a nail, after all.
Can you believe that I just wrote such a long entry merely about one of my toes? 8'D
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