Getting ready for Father's Day

Father's Day is coming again! (here in Finland it's tomorrow) I'm making a cake and a card for my dear dad, just like every year. I've already bought him two presents too, but I won't tell about them just yet! (Just in case he'd read this.. He knows about me keeping a blog and he has seen me writing here.) Obviously I'm very busy at the moment so I won't write more this time, but I'll show you a sketch of the card.

I'm drawing a draenei from the World of Warcraft. : D My dad plays the game and draenei is his favorite race.

Animal photography

I really want to get a good camera so I could take better pictures of animals : <

I took this photo many years ago, and it's one of my favorite horse photos. Mainly because I loved that time of my life and it contains wonderful memories to me, but also because I find the pose funny.

This is just something I made because I was extremely bored and feeling a bit blue. Nothing like a bull terrier to cheer you up! : D The picture quality is horrible, I know, but these are just some old photos I found and quickly put together. The dogs are both female bull terriers, the white one is Lumi, the same dog my first entry was about, and the other one is Eben, our younger bullie. This smiley expression is actually fairly common to them, they make it everyday whenever they want to seem lovable and get some attention and care. It usually includes some laugh-like snorting noises too. It's impossible not to laugh when they do that!

Just so you know: Lumi isn't really missing any teeth, it just looks a bit like that 'cause her tongue or lip is covering some of the teeth or something.



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Infernal pain

8'D I've always wanted to use the word "infernal" somewhere. (YES! I've done it)

Seriously now, I've probably never experienced such physical pain as I did yesterday, when I had a whole toenail pulled off. The nail was so sick and infected already that the anesthesia didn't work.

I'd love to tell you the whole story later, but right now I don't have enough time. But I'll show you this sketch I made just minutes ago:

Later:

So, here comes the story of my bloody toe. Don't read it if you can't stand mental images of blood, pain or other disgusting things. It's not so pretty.

I've had problems with the nail of my right hallux for over an year now. All kinds of nasty things you can imagine: cracking, darkening, softening, stink... Horrible. I've tried everything I could imagine. Cutting, medication, ointments and stuff, but nothing worked, so I just waited to see if it would just heal itself over time. But few days ago the whole nail got brown and cracked badly and I thought that it was quite clear that it was never going to heal again. So I went to a doctor and asked if it should be removed. She told me that it was the only way to get a healthy nail and I decided to let them do it. But I didn't know that it was going to hurt so much- if I would have known, I maybe wouldn't have done it. I'm quite sensitive to pain and afraid of doctors hurting me, because of my bad doctor memories from the childhood. This just made things worse, of course. Even though I know it's irrational and not true, (at least in most cases) I feel like the doctors are sadistic and always just want to hurt me as much as they can. : P

Well, as I said before the removal did hurt. Like hell, I tell you. The main reason was that the anesthesia didn't work well (they used 4 syringes but it just made the skin numb) because the toe was inflamed and the nail was so sick already. It wasn't so bad at first but when they started to pull the nail off harder and it started to hurt real bad I asked them if they could use more anesthetic. They just said that it wouldn't help and that they didn't have time, and that they just wanted to get the whole thing out of the way. (What a nice thing to hear, when you're scared and in pain, really.) So they continued and I was in a bit of a panic but remained quite calm anyway. Actually I'd say I took it well. As I said, I'm usually sensitive to pain and for that some people think I'm wimpy but I just kept thinking that it's nothing I couldn't stand, that it won't last forever and things like that. Sure I was shaking and stuff but I stayed still and quiet. : D (Or quiet most of the time, at least) The other reason that made the removal hurt more and last longer was that the nail was so soft and in such a bad shape that it didn't come off in one piece. It shattered to many several pieces and they had to remove them one by one.

And now I have a huge bandage around the toe and I'm not allowed to walk for at least three days, because walking makes it bleed more. It'll take about half an year of more until the new nail is grown. At the moment I'm mostly pissed by the bleeding and pain that I get whenever I move the darn foot. (And of course the fact that I can't do anything or go anywhere.. I can't go to school, though I have a million urgent things and projects waiting there.) Tomorrow morning is the first time I need to clean the wound and change the bandages.. I already fear the time when I'll see the wound. I haven't seen it yet but I'm sure it's not pretty. I don't want to see a giant hole where my nail should be : <

Well, that's the whole story for you. Wasn't it wonderful. I know I'm maybe taking it too seriously but for me it feels just horrible.. And that makes me think that I'm being ridiculous. It's only a nail, after all.


Can you believe that I just wrote such a long entry merely about one of my toes? 8'D

I'm so bored

All my plans for this weekend failed : < But then again, now I have lots of time for drawing for once.

A sketch I made today.. I just couldn't get the ground-touching legs right so I left them out. But I'll try again later and if I can make them work I might use this sketch to make a finished, colored drawing.

I looove Tove Jansson and her novels and art. This is a quick little fan art pick of Seafilly, one of the characters of her moomin stories. I hate the way her body turned out and I wasn't even going to put this here but I really like the coloring and the shape of the mane and tail so because of them I decided to accept it.

Trolls

You know, I'm a real master of accidents. For example, I have a woodcarving in progress at school and on the previous lesson  few days ago I made a big, bleeding wound to my left thumb. Today was the turn of my right hand: I got a huge, needle sharp stick stuck deep under the nail of my little finger. Even better, I couldn't get it off myself no matter how I tried so my teacher had to pull it off. I felt a bit embarrassed.
Now the nail/finger is having an inflammation on it's way.. It's all hot and aching. (pulsating pain) This day hasn't been very nice otherwise either, because I was supposed to go the library to return some books and get new ones but I traveled 60km to town just to notice that the library is closed until Monday because of some stupid education stuff the library staff is having. I'm reading Michelle Paver's wonderful Chroncles of the ancient darkness at the moment and I finished reading Soul eater (the third book) yesterday. I would have borrowed the next book today but now I have to wait over the whole weekend. I'm so excited to know what happens next that it feels almost like torture.

But today I was also thinking about what should I draw for my dad's father's day card. There's only a week left until the Finnish father's day. I want to do something real special this year- something my dad would really like, 'cause I really like my dad. : D I've been thinking about drawing our dogs or my dad's favorite book/movie/game characters... I don't know. I'm still waiting for some great idea. But I should really make something up already, so that I have enough time to do it properly. I think I'll color it with pencils, 'cause I really need to focus more on the traditional art techniques.

Now I'm going to go and watch a movie with my dad : ) It's our weekly thing that if both of us are home we watch a movie together at Friday night.

But before I go, here are today's sketches. Trolls this time. Troll women, to be exact.

Some poetry

A few of my poems translated to English.


There's nothing more beautiful

Great cushions of velvet
so full of life

The master of smooth symmetry
has sewn them together without a seam

They are warm of life
they foam of speed

after moving like they are meant to move

eternity as their rythm,

more perfectly than anything in this world
that has ever been born or built






Traveler

My treasure is lost
My harbor I have to leave

My bearer has grown away from me

and I have no map

I find myself
a rather tired, defenceless explorer






Song of praise

Between the green deeps,
over the stone mounds

ever closer to the home of my soul

You will take me, my little friend

lift with your origin strength
carry with your stark spirit

to the grass and blooming trees

your hooves of rock
your mighty muscles

they know which way to go




As you maybe noticed, the first and the last poems tell about horses. I wrote the first one when I was watching a galloping horse and Song of praise describes some feelings I have about horses and riding. I tried to express how important they are in my life, so the journey in the poem symbolises life.

This can't be happening

Noo... D8 I missed my bus because of that exam. It took much longer than I thought it would.. And the next bus goes so late that I won't be home before midnight! (I have over 100km way to home)  : ( And my school's burglar alarm gets on in the evening so I can't even wait here the whole time. I don't know what I should do.

Well, since I'm not going anywhere for a while I can spend the time I have before the alarms here in the computer class.

Later: My mom saved me and came to get me with her car : D Parents are good to have.

Here's the pretty smile of my little crested boy Uni 8D

Time flies

I've been ignoring this blog again for far too long. Now it's time to write at least something again : D (And in the previous entry I promised to try being more active.. ha!)

The pictures, they shall come first!

Here's my best Chinese crested pic so far, and I'm quite proud of it. Though now I see so many mistakes that  I should have noticed when I was coloring it : <  But that's how you learn!

I made this T. Rex for my little brother (It's a birthday card- he turned 10.) who's completely nuts about dinosaurs. I think it looks ok, but it could have been better if I hadn't done it in a rush as I did.

This, in turn, was made for my friend's birthday : DD She's really interested in astrology and she's a Leo in horoscope. I like this pic a lot, even though it's so simple and everything.. I just felt so nice and relaxed drawing it. I wish I'd always feel like that when I draw.

Oh wow, my first artsy thing in this blog that isn't a drawing! This is something I had to do for my arts class at school. We were all given a photo of a leopard and told to cut it to pieces. Then we had to make a new picture of those pieces and this idea just instantly popped to my mind. Maybe because I had been watching the movie 101 Dalmatians that week.. Hmm.

That's all the pics for now.. And then a little something about other things.

I've been in a pretty bad mood for the last weeks. I don't really know why. (Or actually there are lots of small things that I think might be causing it.. But I'd rather have just one bigger thing to blame so it would be easier to do something about it. Without having to change my entire life, 'cause that isn't of course even possible.) I'm so tired and tensed up all the time that I get real angry or real sad for even the slightest of issues and I hate it. (I've especially been raging for my mom, and I feel awful about it 'cause my bad mood isn't her fault. Even though she can be real difficult or annoying at times.) I'm been trying to get over it by sleeping more and focusing on doing stuff I like.. But it hasn't helped yet. Instead it has made me quite solitary, since "the stuff I like" means (at the moment) mostly reading, drawing, and watching movies. And sleeping, as was already mentioned. It's odd, for I've never really cared so much for sleeping before. I was always the kind of kid who wanted to go to bed as late as possible and get up as early as possible to maximize the time for playing and all.. Sleeping seemed like a waste of time. But at the moment I just _love_ it. I wish I could sleep for months, like the Moomins. : D (There's not much in the world I hate more than being angry/sad, and sleep is an excellent way to escape from that). But I'm quite sure I'll change my mind again when I'm back to my normal state.

Oh well, maybe I'll just try ignore the whole thing and wait for it to pass. I don't think it's such a big deal after all.

Agh, I'd like to write more now when I started but I guess I have to go to bed.. : C I'm going to have an exam  in Swedish tomorrow. I'll tell you how it went... maybe >8D One can never completely trust my promises to write here, or so it seems.

I'm alive!

Wow. It's been so long since my last entry.. I've been so busy with everything else that I just forgot about this whole blog. (And when I remembered it again, I was just plain lazy : D) But I think I'll try to be more active from now on, though I have so many time-consuming things happening right now that I can't promise anything. It's just two weeks to my first matriculation exams. I will have exams of English, philosphy and religion. And I'm going to move! My whole family is moving to the countryside next month. I'm really excited about the place, there's a little stable for two or three horses and lots of space. (I also like the house a lot) We are going to buy at least two in the summer, and I'm so happy to think that I'm actually going to have my own horse again.. I've missed having one since we sold our trakehner mare about two years ago.

I don't have time to write much more now, because I have to study for my practise exam tomorrow, but here come the pictures!

The colored version of my chinese crested lineart, my fursona : D

A pic made for my dad's birthday. It's John Marston from my dad's favourite video game Red dead redemption on the kentucky saddler.

A bull terrier

And some fluffiness